Awake and Alive

I realize that I really haven't posted anything since last September other than my one post recently so I thought I would give a bit of an update on what's been going on since then since life has changed quite a lot, thankfully for the better.  So back in September I was dealing with a lot of personal issues.  I was severely depressed, even suicidal.  I was cutting again and just generally in a very dark place.  I had hoped to return to school during the fall semester but didn't get everything done in time so unfortunately was unable to take any classes.  I ended up just working.  Honestly, it's a bit of a blur, but I was not doing well during that time.  I tried going to counseling which didn't end up working out but towards the end of December I finally got myself together enough to apply to CNM.  I was accepted and started looking at classes.

It was at this point that for whatever reason I kind of stepped out of the dark zone I'd been in.  Maybe it was just the fact that I was actually making steps towards doing something more with my life, I'm not sure, but I enrolled in six classes which turned out to be a bit ambitious.  Most importantly though, I finally settled on a major.  I've been jumping around with my major since I first went to college in 2009.  I wanted to do photojournalism, then wildlife biology, theatre, and vocal performance, to name a few.  When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a vet because I loved animals so much.  Well, I guess some childhood dreams aren't totally crazy because I'm working my way towards a degree as a veterinary technologist with the goal of graduating in two years.  From there I'd like to hope that I'll go on to pursue my doctorate in veterinary medicine but as that will require going out of state, that's up in the air.  My long term goal is to be able to focus on horses/farm animals.  For now though I'm focusing on just getting the courses done that are required to just get into the vet tech program.

I Am Not A Wallflower!

As some of you all may know. every semester UNM does four shows with the theatre department.  In the one year that I attended UNM previously, I only saw one of those shows and I never even considered trying to audition.  This semester though, with starting back at school, one of the things that I determined is that I didn't want to be a wallflower anymore which is something I've been pretty much since I started college.  I would sit at the very back of the classroom, and despite, usually, keeping up with reading and homework and what not, I never really participated in the class.  The biggest part of my issue was because I am overweight, I didn't want to bring any further attention to myself.  I felt if anyone noticed me, they would judge me and possibly make fun of me which was the last thing I wanted.  So I did my best to make myself invisible.  I didn't make a whole lot of effort with my appearance or clothing choices and I think I did succeed fairly well with just blending in.

Thank You, God

Everyone has those days, those days when nothing seems to go right, where all those carefully laid plans go up in dust, when it seems like everything is actively working against you.  On days like that my reaction is generally just to get annoyed or, on occasion, downright angry.  I don't tend to think about why those things happened, I just know that they happened and it ruined my day or a portion of my day and I am not happy about it one bit.