Future, What Future?

What do you do when you begin to wonder if you're truly cut out for the career path you've started down? What do you do when you begin to question everything that you've been striving for? It seemed so clear initially, everything made sense. But as time passes, it becomes less and less clear. I went for the more practical career, the one that was respectable and made sense. I've always loved animals, always been good with them. But the science of it all makes my head spin, makes it hard to enjoy what I'm doing. So I start to wonder, is it for me. And then I come back to, god, what a failure I would be again if I gave it up with just two semesters to go. But then, what does it say when I dread going back and trying to wrap my mind around all these complex procedures. I love animals, but is that enough? And more and more, I'm thinking not. I find the science interesting, fascinating even, but the understanding of it often eludes me.

To Vote or Not To Vote, That Is The Question

Just a quick update before I get to the main point of this post. Within the next couple of days I'm going to be changing up my blog. That means there's going to be a name change, design change, everything. This honestly isn't a Christian blog anymore and I want the freedom to express myself however I want to. So just a heads up that changes are a comin'!

Okay, so it's 2016, the world's going to pot (in my opinion) and America is holding it's presidential election. This my third (?) time voting, I believe, and I have never been so conflicted as I've been this election. With the last two elections, I knew who I wanted to vote for, it was a pretty clear cut decision (hint: it wasn't Obama either time). But this time, oh lord, I look at these two candidates and I just want to pack up and get the hell out of this country cause it ain't gonna be pretty. For me, a choice between Clinton and Trump is no choice at all and since I don't think any of the other runners have even a remote chance of winning, I found myself trying to choose between the lesser of two evils.

I Chose This

(Brief warning: This is my kind of defying the world speech, just so you know.)

More and more I'm discovering that the career I've chosen is probably one of the toughest out there.  Not necessarily physically or mentally or anything like that, but emotionally.  When you work so hard to try to get that part in that play or movie that you really want and you feel like you've done a good job and then you find that it was all for nothing, it's crushing.  You feel like a failure.  Or, at least I do.  But what if that's what you love, if that's your passion?  You keep going.  You cry those tears and then you pick yourself up and keep going, keep trying, hoping that in the end all your hard work will eventually pay off.  I've known that this was going to be a hard road, filled with a lot of disappointment and pain.  I've always considered myself to be a fairly strong person, able to push back the pain, the tears and put that smile on my face even when I felt like I was falling to pieces.  My choice of career is going to test that.  Am I going to be strong enough to suffer disappointment after disappointment and still be able to pick myself up and keep going?  Is my determination enough to get me through?  And with that, do I have the strength and will to finally begin the seemingly impossible task of losing all the weight I have to lose to try to fit in to the skinny world of Hollywood.  I've had people tell me that I'm choosing the easy career, that it doesn't really take any kind of effort to act.  But it does.  It's already tested me in so many ways.  So many people don't understand what it's like to get inside the head of a character, to become someone you're not.  I can do this and I will.  I'm going to prove to the world that I am strong enough to do this.  I can become one of those skinny Hollywood girls and I will.  Just watch me!

This post was originally published on Sunday, December 11, 2011.

Sometimes Being Practical Is No Fun

Do you ever have those moments when you have a choice between two things you want where one is fun but practical and the other is just fun?  Yeah, me too.  I hate decisions like that, but its a part of growing up, something else I'm not a huge fan of.  Can I please just go back to being a little girl playing in the mud not worried about how I looked or what I was going to do with my life?  Nope, stuck being an adult.  Ah, well.  In any case, I recently struggled with one of those choices.  Since its unlikely that I'm going to be able to take any classes at CNM this semester, my parents mentioned that I should check and see if UNM Continuing Education had any cooking classes I could take in the meantime.  So I went and checked and sure enough they had quite a few one night cooking classes.  There were also a lot of other classes with arts and crafts, music, writing, exercise, etc.  As I set about exploring the various classes I could take, the music ones caught my eye.  One of them was for the University Chorus, a choir that you didn't have to audition for that was going to be working towards a performance of a The Defiant Requiem, part of Verdi's Requiem, a beautiful piece of music.  I immediately decided I wanted to take this class not just because of the piece being sung, but because it culminated in a performance in Popejoy Hall.