Looking at Life

This past weekend my family went on our first family vacation in about two years.  For me it was the first time I've really been out of Albuquerque and the general surrounding area in that same amount of time.  I know I've mentioned it before, but I am so not a city girl.  We went up to northern New Mexico, kind of north and west of Taos up into Carson National Forest.  Let me tell you, it is gorgeous up there!  So much cooler and greener.  I did not want to leave at all.  We were gone Thursday through Sunday and it was nice to have two full days to just relax.  Friday was my parents' 26th wedding anniversary so we enjoyed celebrating that with a steak linner (you know, too late for lunch but too early for dinner: linner).  Busted out the wine and everything.  It rained most of that day so we pretty just lounged around, napped a bit and played some games.  Saturday was clearer so we went for a 2 mile hike which was fun and then my dad and I went for a drive while mom stayed back and read.  Dad and I saw some really pretty country and just enjoyed getting to explore.  Sunday I got up early to make the 4 and a 1/2 hour drive back to Albuquerque so I could continue filming with a friend who's making a pretty epic movie.  So that made a fun, but exhausting day.   One of the things I really enjoyed on our camping trip was getting back into some photography.  I really haven't used my camera much since my family moved back into Albuquerque so it was a fun opportunity.  There were some really pretty flowers we saw on our hike and with the rain we were getting most of the plants were covered in drops of water, something I've always wanted to photograph so I took advantage of that.

A Whole New World

So lately I've had the song A Whole New World from Aladdin stuck in my head which is kind of funny because I haven't seen it anytime recently and its not one of the Disney movies I've seen a lot.  Don't get me a wrong, I love Aladdin, but I've always been more of a Little Mermaid/Beauty and the Beast kind of girl.  But I digress.  I couldn't figure out why that song was stuck in my head and then suddenly it just sort of clicked.  I've been thinking about my life a lot since the beginning of the year with trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  Right now I feel very stuck, very caged in.  I'm stuck in a dead-end job that I hate with a passion, stuck with no real future it feels like, stuck in a place where there aren't very many opportunities in any of the various activities or hobbies that I enjoy.  Again, don't get me wrong, I love New Mexico, I was born and raised here, but its not exactly a bustling state where you have all kinds of different opportunities or jobs in the areas that I enjoy.

A Simple Life

 

A lot of the time when people hear that I want to make a living as an actress, they automatically figure I want that life for the fame and fortune.  They think I want all the fancy dresses, the parties, the awards, the big houses, etc.  The funny thing is, that's not why I want it all.  Dresses?  Give me a pair of jean and a t-shirt any day.  I'm not a big fan of dressing up.  Parties?  If you've seen me at a party, I'm generally the person standing awkwardly in the corner feeling very uncomfortable and out of place.  Awards?  Sure they're great, but they're not needed.  Houses?  Why on earth would I need or want more than one?  And most people who know me pretty well, know that I don't like really big houses, I like something much simpler.

The only reason I want to work as an actress is because its what I love and for the most part, I don't think I'm terrible at it.  Sure I still have a lot to learn, but I think I'm at least decent.  And if I am terrible at it, well, I can only get better.  But sometimes I wonder if I could handle it all, all the stress and craziness of that kind of life.  Yes, I would be doing something I loved but would all the sacrifices I would have to make for it be worth it?  And the other aspect that I think about from time to time is that I would like to get married eventually.  According to some, at 22 I'm already starting to get old which I personally think is ridiculous.  But I sometimes wonder, in that industry is it possible to find someone to marry who isn't going to cheat on me with his co-star or decide he wants a divorce?  Hollywood marriages notoriously end in divorce with very few lasting for any real length of time.