A Simple Life

 

A lot of the time when people hear that I want to make a living as an actress, they automatically figure I want that life for the fame and fortune.  They think I want all the fancy dresses, the parties, the awards, the big houses, etc.  The funny thing is, that's not why I want it all.  Dresses?  Give me a pair of jean and a t-shirt any day.  I'm not a big fan of dressing up.  Parties?  If you've seen me at a party, I'm generally the person standing awkwardly in the corner feeling very uncomfortable and out of place.  Awards?  Sure they're great, but they're not needed.  Houses?  Why on earth would I need or want more than one?  And most people who know me pretty well, know that I don't like really big houses, I like something much simpler.

The only reason I want to work as an actress is because its what I love and for the most part, I don't think I'm terrible at it.  Sure I still have a lot to learn, but I think I'm at least decent.  And if I am terrible at it, well, I can only get better.  But sometimes I wonder if I could handle it all, all the stress and craziness of that kind of life.  Yes, I would be doing something I loved but would all the sacrifices I would have to make for it be worth it?  And the other aspect that I think about from time to time is that I would like to get married eventually.  According to some, at 22 I'm already starting to get old which I personally think is ridiculous.  But I sometimes wonder, in that industry is it possible to find someone to marry who isn't going to cheat on me with his co-star or decide he wants a divorce?  Hollywood marriages notoriously end in divorce with very few lasting for any real length of time.


So I suppose it was considering all this recently that got me to thinking:  if by some miracle I met a young man who wanted to marry me and build a life together, would I give up my dream?  In the past I would have said no, that even so I would still want to pursue it.  But that's when I was younger, when everything seemed so much easier.  Nowadays, I ponder that question and I think my answer would be yes.  Because deep down, beyond the dreams of making it big in Hollywood, I'm a very simple girl.  I would quite honestly be very happy living in a house out in the country for the rest of my life like I used to.  Much as I've adapted to life in the city, I still don't like it.  I would much prefer to still be living in Edgewood with all its openness and space.  I miss it a lot more than I let on.

If I had kids, I would be perfectly happy being that stay at home mom who sews her kids clothes, is a great cook, keeps the house organized or at least mostly organized, is able to be involved with church, etc.  I'm not a hundred percent sure why I've been thinking about all this more recently.  Something must have triggered it but I'm not sure what.  It was one of those things that I guess in the past I thought sounded great, but would never happen to me.  I mean, I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to be an old maid.  I'm not feeling sorry for myself or anything, its actually much easier that way.  It means that I can spend more time focusing on God and my relationship with Him than wondering if that cute guy I bumped into thought I was attractive or whatever.  Yes, I did used to think that way, not so much anymore.

Maybe this is reality finally sinking in and making me realize that my chances at making it big in Hollywood are slim to say the least and that I should consider something more lasting and meaningful.  Now that is not to say that I'm giving up on my big dreams, because I'm not.  I'm still going to keep saving up and occasionally browsing apartments online and probably giving myself a heart attack with the cost, but its not going to be all consuming.  Because, you know, there's just something so attractive about a simple life.