It's Been a While

 It's been so long since I've written a post on here that I don't even know where to start. A lot of things have changed in my life. I started this blog almost nine years ago. It's changed a lot too. From a Christian young woman figuring out her faith to renouncing that faith to now, over the last going on two years, slowly starting to open herself back up to it. I haven't been back to church yet, I still have a lot of trust issues there, too many instances of bullying when I was younger and cliquishness and lack of acceptance as an adult. Churches don't equate to a safe space for me unless its talking about my old church in Edgewood, which was the only church I ever really felt at home. But I'm getting there. I'm talking to God again, I'm working to get my life back together, actually trying to take care of myself because for so many years I just haven't cared. I knew I needed help, but I just couldn't bring myself to care enough to do anything about it. I spent two years in school on no medications, in another state and I conquered school and life and then I came back to New Mexico and the depression came back and everything's been a struggle since. But I'm back seeing a doctor, I'm back on meds, and I'm trying.

Life Is Good

It's been going on two months since I last blogged I'm ashamed to say.  I could say that finals and all really got to me, but honestly it's more been the fact that I haven't been in the mood to just sit down and type.  But I have been pretty busy so that has definitely contributed to the lack of updates of any kind.  In any case, I successfully completed my first semester back at college with all A's which was super exciting.  I honestly don't think I've ever had that good of a semester at college ever.

In addition to successfully passing all my classes, I also passed the test I needed to get into the Veterinary Tech program on my first try.  That was a huge shocker for me.  I had to get a minimum score in four different

areas (Reading, Math, Science, and English) in addition to also getting a minimum comprehensive score of 60%.  The test cost ~$40 to take each time so I really wanted to pass it in two goes at the most.  I knew I could nail the Reading and English sections because those have always been super easy for me, but the math and especially the science would be more challenging.  Going in and taking the test, I was sure that I had failed it.  The science section turned out to be significantly harder than I had expected so I was sure that I hadn't made the minimum score I needed to pass.  But when I finished, lo and behold, I had passed with a 78.7% comprehensive score.  I will fully admit that I cried when I got back out to my car, I was so happy.  I also managed to freak my mom out accidentally when I called her as soon as I got back to my car and I was still crying a bit when she picked up.  She, of course, immediately thought something was wrong.  Whoops!

Awake and Alive

I realize that I really haven't posted anything since last September other than my one post recently so I thought I would give a bit of an update on what's been going on since then since life has changed quite a lot, thankfully for the better.  So back in September I was dealing with a lot of personal issues.  I was severely depressed, even suicidal.  I was cutting again and just generally in a very dark place.  I had hoped to return to school during the fall semester but didn't get everything done in time so unfortunately was unable to take any classes.  I ended up just working.  Honestly, it's a bit of a blur, but I was not doing well during that time.  I tried going to counseling which didn't end up working out but towards the end of December I finally got myself together enough to apply to CNM.  I was accepted and started looking at classes.

It was at this point that for whatever reason I kind of stepped out of the dark zone I'd been in.  Maybe it was just the fact that I was actually making steps towards doing something more with my life, I'm not sure, but I enrolled in six classes which turned out to be a bit ambitious.  Most importantly though, I finally settled on a major.  I've been jumping around with my major since I first went to college in 2009.  I wanted to do photojournalism, then wildlife biology, theatre, and vocal performance, to name a few.  When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a vet because I loved animals so much.  Well, I guess some childhood dreams aren't totally crazy because I'm working my way towards a degree as a veterinary technologist with the goal of graduating in two years.  From there I'd like to hope that I'll go on to pursue my doctorate in veterinary medicine but as that will require going out of state, that's up in the air.  My long term goal is to be able to focus on horses/farm animals.  For now though I'm focusing on just getting the courses done that are required to just get into the vet tech program.