I Am Not A Wallflower!

As some of you all may know. every semester UNM does four shows with the theatre department.  In the one year that I attended UNM previously, I only saw one of those shows and I never even considered trying to audition.  This semester though, with starting back at school, one of the things that I determined is that I didn't want to be a wallflower anymore which is something I've been pretty much since I started college.  I would sit at the very back of the classroom, and despite, usually, keeping up with reading and homework and what not, I never really participated in the class.  The biggest part of my issue was because I am overweight, I didn't want to bring any further attention to myself.  I felt if anyone noticed me, they would judge me and possibly make fun of me which was the last thing I wanted.  So I did my best to make myself invisible.  I didn't make a whole lot of effort with my appearance or clothing choices and I think I did succeed fairly well with just blending in.

I Chose This

(Brief warning: This is my kind of defying the world speech, just so you know.)

More and more I'm discovering that the career I've chosen is probably one of the toughest out there.  Not necessarily physically or mentally or anything like that, but emotionally.  When you work so hard to try to get that part in that play or movie that you really want and you feel like you've done a good job and then you find that it was all for nothing, it's crushing.  You feel like a failure.  Or, at least I do.  But what if that's what you love, if that's your passion?  You keep going.  You cry those tears and then you pick yourself up and keep going, keep trying, hoping that in the end all your hard work will eventually pay off.  I've known that this was going to be a hard road, filled with a lot of disappointment and pain.  I've always considered myself to be a fairly strong person, able to push back the pain, the tears and put that smile on my face even when I felt like I was falling to pieces.  My choice of career is going to test that.  Am I going to be strong enough to suffer disappointment after disappointment and still be able to pick myself up and keep going?  Is my determination enough to get me through?  And with that, do I have the strength and will to finally begin the seemingly impossible task of losing all the weight I have to lose to try to fit in to the skinny world of Hollywood.  I've had people tell me that I'm choosing the easy career, that it doesn't really take any kind of effort to act.  But it does.  It's already tested me in so many ways.  So many people don't understand what it's like to get inside the head of a character, to become someone you're not.  I can do this and I will.  I'm going to prove to the world that I am strong enough to do this.  I can become one of those skinny Hollywood girls and I will.  Just watch me!

This post was originally published on Sunday, December 11, 2011.

How To Create An Awesome Action Scene 3

Here it is, Ladies and Gentlemen!
The short movie that I acted in back in November is finally completed and available for viewing in all its awesomeness.  It is really good and, as I stated before, was a lot of fun to film.  I'm so blessed to know such talented people.  There's no blood/gore or profanity, just several gunfight scenes which are pretty epic.  So grab the family, gather round and enjoy!

The Voice of Courage

When you think of the word courage, generally certain images jump to the forefront of your mind that define that word for you:  soldiers most often, people standing up for what they believe in, sacrifice, doing something no one else has, and the list goes on.  A lot of the time when people think courage, they think about big events, big people who define that word for them.  But what about those smaller events, those ordinary people?  Courage isn't always big, sometimes its small.  The quote in the picture above is one of my favorites because it shows that courage doesn't have to be big for it to make a difference.  In fact, I've found most often that courage is fairly small, small but powerful.  Courage, to me, is a voice, that little voice that whispers that you can do it, that encourages you to step outside of your comfort zone, to do great things.  But its something that you have to listen for because it can be so small.  It can be easy to ignore, to push back and to give into fear and doubt.

Men and Guns

Earlier this week I had the absolutely amazing and very fun opportunity to act in a short film a friend was making.  Needless to say, it was pretty much one of the best things that has happened to me this year and served as a way for me to see how different theatre is from film acting.  Personally, after Monday, I have to say that I really like film acting.  There's something intoxicating about it.  Maybe its the realness and the environment.  I'm not totally sure, but I loved it.  In any case, it was an action movie, so there was a lot of running around, some fight scenes, and, obviously since we all had guns as you can see in the picture, some firefight scenes.