Looking at Life

This past weekend my family went on our first family vacation in about two years.  For me it was the first time I've really been out of Albuquerque and the general surrounding area in that same amount of time.  I know I've mentioned it before, but I am so not a city girl.  We went up to northern New Mexico, kind of north and west of Taos up into Carson National Forest.  Let me tell you, it is gorgeous up there!  So much cooler and greener.  I did not want to leave at all.  We were gone Thursday through Sunday and it was nice to have two full days to just relax.  Friday was my parents' 26th wedding anniversary so we enjoyed celebrating that with a steak linner (you know, too late for lunch but too early for dinner: linner).  Busted out the wine and everything.  It rained most of that day so we pretty just lounged around, napped a bit and played some games.  Saturday was clearer so we went for a 2 mile hike which was fun and then my dad and I went for a drive while mom stayed back and read.  Dad and I saw some really pretty country and just enjoyed getting to explore.  Sunday I got up early to make the 4 and a 1/2 hour drive back to Albuquerque so I could continue filming with a friend who's making a pretty epic movie.  So that made a fun, but exhausting day.   One of the things I really enjoyed on our camping trip was getting back into some photography.  I really haven't used my camera much since my family moved back into Albuquerque so it was a fun opportunity.  There were some really pretty flowers we saw on our hike and with the rain we were getting most of the plants were covered in drops of water, something I've always wanted to photograph so I took advantage of that.

One of the things my parents and I got talking about on our trip was kind of what I was planning on doing with my life basically.  I'm not working right now, though I'm starting to look for a job and I'm planning on heading back to college in the spring to pursue a degree.  What we were talking about a little bit is what I'd look at majoring in.  The problem with me is that I don't have an practical interests.  I hate math, I'm not much of a science person, I don't like dealing with people so there's go communications, I don't have an interest in business, and, yeah, you get the picture.  I'm more creative but not in the ways that can generally make money/make a career.  I enjoy writing, but unless I finish my book and it becomes a best-seller, I'm not going to make much money that route.  I love to act, but again, unless I miraculously become a top actress, I'm not likely to be making a whole lot of money.  Those are my two main passions.  So I've been kind of planning on going back to UNM and getting a degree in something like makeup or stagecraft and then minor in theatre or maybe even double major.  That way I have a "practical" skill that could at least get me into the film industry and I could potentially work my way into acting.

One of my hobbies is photography.  It's not something that I've ever really considered a career in except for briefly in my first semester at college when I was looking at majoring in photojournalism.  But as my parents and I were talking and I was showing them some of the pictures I'd taken on our trip, they mentioned that maybe I should look at photography as a career.  Ooookay.  The wheels in my mind start turning.  Would photography be a better option?  Is that something I should seriously look into?  And cue mass confusion as I start to stress about what the heck I'm going to do with my life.

That's actually something that I stress about quite frequently.  I really hate not having stuff figured out.  Honestly if I had my way, I would live in Silverton, CO in a nice mountain house with a a large library, a big kitchen, a couple horses, a jeep or an Xterra, and maybe a small boat and I would spend my days reading, cooking, riding, four-wheeling, and fishing.  Perfection and maybe a tad unrealistic unless I somehow become really wealthy.  Suffice to say that living in Albuquerque, New Mexico for the rest of my life is really not at the top of my list.

So last night, as I was thinking and stressing about this, all at the same time, I just thought, man, God, if only there was an easy way to know what to do.  And now cue face palm.  Oh yeah huh!  Hey, hey, God, can You help me figure this out?!  I felt so stupid.  Here I am stressing myself out, practically pulling out my hair, and, oh yeah, I can just ask God for His wisdom and guidance.  So that prompted a long conversation with God where I basically said I had no clue where I'm going or what I'm going to do but I'm just going to leave it all in His far more capable hands and let Him lead me where He will.  Huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

At this point, I still have no clue what I'm going to look at majoring in or anything, but I'm trusting that God has it all figured out and that makes all the difference.