To Those Who Judge

Last night as I lay in bed trying to sleep but actually flipping through my Facebook newsfeed, I came across an article.  The title caught my attention immediately:  A Call to Action: Your Fat Friend Is Going It Alone.  It was an interesting and very relatable piece for me.  It got me to thinking about how society views and treats fat people.  It brought to mind things I don't really focus on anymore; the little comments I sometimes hear or the criticizing eyes as I walk about minding my own business, all because I'm fat.  I've learned to brush those things off, to not focus so much on the negative, but some days it can be hard to ignore it.

I don't think people always realize just how damaging, how lasting the comments they make are.  I can still remember shortly before my ex and I broke up, asking him something along the lines of did he wish I was thinner or was he proud of the way I looked and him responding, "I wish you were thinner so I could show you off to my friends."  Six years and I have never been able to forgot those words.  They didn't just hurt me, they devastated me.  Many times I wish I had told him how much damage those words caused.  My already fragile self-esteem shattered and it has taken me years to build it back up.  I relied so much on him and others when it came to my self-image.  If my own boyfriend didn't seem to think I was good enough, then clearly I was a hideous creature.  Now I know better than to put such stock in other's words, but that doesn't always make it any easier when I hear the snide remarks people sometimes make.