Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Days 29-30

So once again I'm behind, but I did have time this afternoon to finish up!  Monday and Tuesday were crazy busy days and Wednesday I was too tired and emotionally worked up to do much after seeing Battle of the Five Armies, which, by the way, was amazing and super, super sad, in my opinion.  So here now are the last two days of the Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge.  Thanks to everyone who stuck around to read my opinions and thoughts about my favorite movies.

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Day 28

Day 28 - Ents or Eagles?
This is a hard choice, no lie.  Both are pretty awesome but since the Eagles don't have as much of a part in the movies, I'm going to go with the Ents.  I mean, talking trees, how cool is that?!  One of the things I love so much about the Ents is that Tolkien created them because he was so disappointed that in Shakespeare's Macbeth when it talks about "Macbeth shall never be vanquished until Great Birnam Wood to high Dunsinane Hill shall come against him," there weren't actually walking trees.  Instead they just cut down tree branches so that it looked like a walking wood.  I think it's brilliant that Tolkien used that as negative inspiration for his own work.  Besides that though, the Ents are just interesting and funny, at times, though not intentionally.  I have a personal

love for the Ents because my family has really taken Treebeard's words of "Don't be hasty" to heart.  We joke about it a lot but they are good words to keep in mind.  And one of my absolute favorite music tracks from the movies is when the Ents are going to war, the last march of the Ents.  It's just so big and epic and, ah! I just love it so much, it's so perfect for the scene.  So, yeah, the Ents are my favorite, but the Eagles are pretty darned fantastic too!

The music actually starts as the Ents emerge from the forest to join Treebeard.

This is the full music track from The Complete Recordings which is absolutely fantastic and well worth the price.

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Day 27

Day 27 - Isengard or Mordor?
I would definitely have to say Isengard here.  Mordor, in my opinion, isn't nearly as interesting and doesn't have as much unique history.  I enjoy history, real or fictional, so the fact that Isengard has a fairly diverse history makes it more appealing to me.  So, for today's history lesson we are going to learn about Isengard.

Isengard was built in the Second Age by exiled Numenoreans around the tower Orthanc which

was also built during the Second Age.  The river Isen flowed to the north so Isengard was very green with many large trees and fields.  Isengard and the land all around belonged to Gondor up until Cirion, Steward of Gondor, gave Eotheod the land that became Rohan.  Isengard, however, remained under control of Gondor though it was nearly forgotten.  A small guard had been left there to guard the fortress, but overtime they intermarried with the Dunlendings until Isengard

became Dunlending in all but name.  Orthanc, however, remained closed off to them since the Steward of Gondor held the keys.  By around 2710, the Dunlendings had become openly hostile toward the Rohirrim and begun to raid Rohan.   It was during the rule of Helm Hammerhand that the Dunlendings attacked and almost destroyed the Rohirrim.  The Rohirrim retaliated and defeated the Dunlendings, eventually taking Isengard.

At that point the issue became one of what was to be done with Isengard since Gondor did not wish to give it up but lacked the strength and inclination to garrison it.  The solution came when

Saruman suddenly reappeared and very conveniently offered to guard it.  The keys to Orthanc were handed to Saruman and he settled into his new home.  Saruman remained Warden of Isengard on behalf of Gondor until 2953 when he took advantage of Sauron's return and the distraction of the Stewards and took Isengard for himself.  During the War of the Ring, Isengard was Saruman's base of operations as he sought to destroy the Rohirrim.  Eventually an army of Ents and Huorns attacked Isengard and took the fortress.

During the Fourth Age, Isengard was restored and the entire valley was given to the Ents.  The Ents tore down Isengard's walls and the new forest that grew there was renamed Treegarth of Orthanc.  And that is a very general history of Isengard, which, again, I find quite interesting and why I certainly prefer it to Mordor.

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Days 21-26

And now to finally finish getting caught up!  Yay!!!

Day 21 - Most Inspiring Moment
There are two moments that really stand out to me as being very inspiring.  The first, and my favorite, is Sam's speech in Osgiliath and that whole scene there as he's speaking.  In case you haven't noticed by this point, many of my favorite scenes and moments revolve around Sam.  For me, I love this whole moment because the words are applicable not just to the context of the movie, but to real life as well which I personally feel makes them even more powerful.

The idea that the darkness, the shadow is just a passing thing is so true whether on a personal or global scale.  A new day will come, the sun will shine again.  Most people have heard the quote, "It's always darkest before the dawn," I feel like Sam's words go hand in hand with that quote to an extent.  So on a personal level, this part is just so inspiring to me because it's a reminder that there is always hope and that no matter how bad things might look, there's some good out there and it is worth fighting for.

The second moment that I find inspiring is Aragorn's coronation.  I find this moment to be inspiring

because it feels like all three movies have been leading up to this point where Aragorn steps out of exile and takes his place as King of Gondor.  It's just this beautiful, solemn occasion and I think it just really brings home that Sauron has at last been defeated.  After all the tragedies and struggles they have all been through, victory truly seems to be theirs as Aragorn is crowned.

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Days 16-20

So obviously I am way behind.  The group I act with had our first performances last weekend so I was busy with that and then this week has been crazy and I've been having computer problems, so, yeah, I have not been getting online a whole lot.  But I got sick today (yay, day before second to last performance.  I'm not freaking out at all.) so I decided that while I'm lying in bed feeling miserable but rather happily listening to Christmas music, I might as well try to catch up some because I'm pretty sure I won't be able to blog again until Saturday at the earliest but in all likelihood not till Monday.  I'll do a few tonight and try to do the rest over the next few days so I'm caught up by the beginning of next wee.  So are you ready for a super long post delving into all things I love about Lord of the Rings?  Of course you are!

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Days 14 & 15

And once again a crazy day prevented me from having the leisure time to get online and blog, so today you get two fashion answers!

Day 14 - Favorite Outfit
As I'm sure you can imagine, I am once again torn between two:  the gorgeous white dress that Galadriel wears and the lovely blue velvet dress with red sleeves that Arwen wears.  The gold dress

that Eowyn wears is a very close second.  So Galadriel's dress.  It is simply stunning.  I'm not a huge fan of all white clothing on anyone, least of all myself, unless it's a wedding dress.  I generally think it's just too, well white I guess.  Whatever piece of clothing is white has to be just the right style and shape with the right fabric for it to really work, in my opinion.  There, now you know something about my fashion taste. lol  What I love about her dress though is that it's a very long white dress, but it doesn't look like a wedding dress, though I'm quite certain it would make a lovely one.  It's elegant and it makes her look even more like the queen she is.  And it's such a simple design.  It doesn't have a lot of frills or anything other than, if memory serves, all the hand-sewn beads.  But I think the fact that it does have that simple elegance just allows her natural beauty to come forth.

As for Arwen's dress, well I am not an Arwen fan, at least not in the movies, but I do love several of her dresses.  My favorite is the one that she wears when she's asking Elrond to reforge Narsil, the sword that was broken.  Besides the fact that it's absolutely beautiful, I have a special affection for it because my mom and I made a costume for me years and years ago based on this dress.  It's just such a richly colored dress with that dark blue velvet that looks almost black and the dark red of the sleeves.  The gold embroidery along the neckline and the top part of the sleeves just brings it all together.  And I'll admit as much as I'm not an Arwen or Liv Tyler fan, she looks stunning in this dress.  I really like velvet and the way that it lays as a fabric and it just works so well here.




Day 15 - Favorite Armor
And we have another tie, this time between the Elves armor and Theoden's armor.  One of the things I have always loved about the Elves is how they take so much of their design in terms of
architecture and decoration from nature.  The same is true with their armor.  As their race began to decline, the Elves of the Third Age reflected that in the design of their armor with autumnal themes and colors like coppers, browns, and golds.  The hauberk (a type of mail armor which is constructed of interlocking loops of metal woven into a tunic or shirt) was made to give the appearance of a carpet of leaves fallen from a tree.  The cuirass (a piece of armor consisting of breastplate and backplate fastened together) and fauld (a piece of armor worn below a breastplate to protect the waist and hips) were also designed to look like fallen leaves.  The armor was also detailed with filigree of delicate vines and the tengwar of Quenya.  The helmet was designed to give the appearance of a torn leaf.  Every piece, while fully functional, was designed to reflect the Elves love of nature.  As someone who loves nature and being out in nature, the Elves' armor is just amazing to me and frankly is the most beautiful that I've ever seen.

Theoden's armor, while not as elegant as the Elves', was no less beautiful in my opinion.  As king, his armor was naturally made from the finest materials and with the utmost care which I think

truly shows.  One of the things I really appreciate about his armor and all the Rohirrim's armor is that, like the Elves', it's not the typical silver color you usually see.  It was made from bronze which I think gives it a more rustic feel.  Since the armor was mostly covered with black leather, the uncovered bronze really stands out and just highlights the beauty of the armor.  The leather was carved with designs of horses, suns and swirls that were meant to suggest the movement of the mearas (a race of exceptional horses), adding a lot of interest to it all.  Even his helmet was painstakingly decorated and topped with a crest in the shape of a horse.  The detail of it all has just always astounded me.  And I love horses, so armor extensively carved with horse designs?  Yup, I'm gonna love it!

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Day 13

Day 13 - Favorite Weapon

So by this time you really shouldn't be surprised when I say my favorite is a toss up between two weapons.  First would be Legolas's bow and knives.  No, not because I have a 10+ year crush on the guy, but because I like the idea of the versatility they would provide not to mention the fact that they're absolutely beautiful.  The Galadhrim made the best bows, they could shoot much farther than any other bows and if memory serves the only weapon in Middle-Earth that could fire a missile farther was a trebuchet.  As for the knives, they were short enough that they could easily fit into the sheaths attached to his quiver and could no doubt be used for other tasks other than just fighting, but they were also long enough that with his skill he could fight off enemies with swords and longer weapons.  With both the bow and the knives, Legolas was just as deadly in close combat as he was from afar.

Tied for favorite would be Anduril, Flame of the West, Aragorn's sword.  Again this is a beautiful weapon but what I love about it is the history.  Anduril was forged from the shards of Narsil, the sword that Isildur used to cut the ring off Sauron's hand.  Aragorn is Isildur's heir so it's fitting that he would wield the reforged Narsil.  Besides the history though, what the sword does with Aragorn as its wielder is just cool.  For example, the scene where Aragorn very briefly fights with the king of the dead at Dunharrow is amazing.  Because the army abandoned Isildur in his time of need, Isildur cursed them so they couldn't die until they had fulfilled their oath.  Being Isildur's heir, Aragorn is the only one who can control them or fight them because other's weapons simply fly right through the dead.  Besides that, the sword is also very effective at separating orc heads from their bodies and severing other body parts of the enemy.

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Days 11 & 12

My apologies for missing yesterday.  I'm sure you were all desperately waiting at your computers for my next post, but I simply did not have time to get online. ;)

Day 11 - BROTP

Again, the whole OTP/BROTP fad is really not my thing.  For those of you who don't know, BROTP refers to a set of best friends who are destined to be best friends forever.  I find it to be kind of cheesy and lame, but, hey, I'll go with it.  That being said my favorite BROTP is Legolas and  Gimli, closely followed by Merry and Pippin.  Legolas and Gimli win on this one because their friendship is so unusual and unique.  It's obvious during Fellowship that dwarves and elves do not mix well together.  If you read more into their history, there's some seriously bad blood there.  So what I love is seeing their friendship develop and move past all the grudges and feuds that have made their people enemies for so long.  I always find it so amusing when they're in battle and yelling out how many orcs or Uruk-hai they've each killed.  They truly have a friendship to last the ages.  Going back to the books which delve more into their friendship, after Aragorn's been crowned and peace has been restored for the most part, the two of them go travelling across Middle-Earth together exploring different places.  The culmination of their friendship is when they sail to the Grey Havens together, an honor that that had never been and never again was extended to a dwarf which truly tells you what an incredibly friendship they had.

Day 12 - Favorite Location

The Shire.  As much as I love and admire places like Rivendell and Lothlorien, the Shire has always been the place I would most want to visit and live in.  I've gotten weird looks when I've told people this at times, because, you know, the Shire just isn't that exciting or glamorous.  And it's not glamorous, which is part of why I love it.  Don't get me wrong, Rivendell and Lothlorien are gorgeous and I would have no qualms about visiting those places or staying there for a while, but I feel like I would be totally out of place there, a fish out of water.  That's why I love the Shire so much.  I'm a country girl, I like a simpler life so I identify with hobbits more than any other race in Middle-Earth.  I feel like the Shire is one place where I could actually fit in and be happy.  I like open spaces, I like simple but elegant styles and designs, I enjoy gardening and cooking, I like animals, I like running around in the grass, I love going around barefoot, basically I feel like I'm a hobbit stuck on earth in a city when I belong in Middle-Earth in the Shire.  So, naturally, the Shire must be my favorite place.

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Day 10

Day 10 - OTP

I really don't get into this as much as some people do.  For those of you who don't know, OTP stands for one true pairing.  But if I had to say, it would be a toss up between Sam and Rosie and Faramir and Eowyn.  I like Sam and Rosie together simply because despite the fact that they weren't in any kind of relationship when Sam left, he remained true and faithful to her throughout all his adventures and she in turn did the same for him.  Besides that, I've always really liked that Rosie fell in love with Sam, not because of his looks in my opinion, but because of his heart.

Faramir and Eowyn are the other couple I like because they're just so perfect for each other.  I feel that Faramir not so much tames Eowyn as he tempers her with his calmer personality and I feel that she would ease his pain and also just bring that spark of energy and life that would lighten his spirits.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  Hope you've had a very blessed day!!!

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Day 9

Day 9 - Favorite Hobbit

As I've already said in my first post, Sam is my favorite hobbit and character in general and since I've already given a fairly detailed reason of why he's my favorite, I decided that I'd go with my

second favorite hobbit, Pippin.  Pippin is just adorable which is probably why I first started to really like him, but aside from that he's just funny, compassionate, kind and he has this carefree innocence that I love.  I also feel though that he's one of the characters that really develops and grows up throughout the movies.  He starts out as this very carefree, mischievous fellow, always following Merry around and inevitably getting in trouble.  And then he's suddenly thrust into this adventure.  There's a part of me that's always sad to see him changing and maturing because I think part of what I love about the hobbits is just how carefree and unconcerned they are.  But in his case, Pippin had to outgrow that.

He and Merry had no idea what they were getting into when they joined Frodo and Sam or when they joined the fellowship.  All of a sudden, the world got a whole lot bigger and whole lot darker,

they didn't really know what hit them.  So throughout the first movie and most of the second one, Pippin starts growing up some, though he still does and says a lot of stupid albeit usually funny stuff, but there's still that kind of innocence which I really notice after Treebeard says the Ents will not help in the war.  When he tells Merry that maybe they should just go home, I feel that that is him thinking that they'll be safe at home, that they could just go back to their carefree lives and not have to deal with all the death and destruction that has surrounded them almost from the moment they left the Shire.

And its here that I think he really starts to mature and think for himself when Merry tells him they

won't be safe in the Shire, that if they don't do something to stop Sauron and Saruman, the Shire will burn along with everything else.  Not long after, Pippin's the one who tells Treebeard to head south and in so doing shows Treebeard the remnants of the trees that Saruman had destroyed.  Pippin, who always followed along and never really seemed to think or have any ideas for himself, is changing.  And once he and

Merry are separated, all of a sudden, Pippin starts getting things done and thinking for himself.  He

lit the beacon of Minas Tirith, he saved Gandalf from an orc, saved Faramir from being burned alive, and at the end he charges straight into battle with what remains of the fellowship.  I really love the the scene between him and Faramir where he tells Faramir that he is strong like Boromir, but his strength is of a different kind.  Wow, Pippin's gained some wisdom and insight too along his journey.  And at the end, again, its obvious that Pippin has changed, but he's in essence still himself.  He's seen a lot, experienced a lot, he's not quite so carefree, the blind innocence has gone, but he's still Pippin; kind, compassionate, loyal, and funny, and that's why I love him.

Lord of the Rings 30 Day Challenge - Day 8

Day 8 - Gondor or Rohan

While I think both kingdoms are absolutely fantastic and amazing, Rohan definitely wins this one.  As someone who has been in love with all things horses since she was really, really young, the horse lords simply have to win.  But more than just the horses, I like the simplicity of the way the Rohirrim live.  For me, Gondor is more like the city life which I hate, though don't get me wrong, I would not hesitate to live there if I was given the choice.  Rohan is more like the country life which I love and miss terribly.  Besides that, the country is just so beautiful!  I mean all the plains and mountains and forests and rivers and lakes, that is totally my kind of place.

Lord of the Ring 30 Day Challenge - Days 1-7

So I realize I have been really bad about keeping up with this blog.  Honestly, I simply have not had the inclination to blog about anything for a while or to write anything period.  But, I think blogging is actually good for me because it makes me express myself and get out of my shell more than I normally would so I figured I should really get back into it.  Once I decided that, well, of course my mind went blank when I began to think about what I wanted to blog about.  I had some ideas but when I started trying to write, I found that I was not expressing myself or describing things the way I wanted to.  Naturally, I turned to Facebook and Google+ for inspiration, because, you know, that always works. ;)  In this case, it actually did, because as I was randomly scrolling through Google+, I found the 30 Day Challenge above.

Now, as you probably already know, I am a huge, huge Lord of the Rings and Hobbit fan.  I saw the Lord of the Rings movies when they first came out back in 2001 and I have been in love with them ever since.  Same with the Hobbit movies.  I've been to the midnight premiere of the past two, once in costume, and I'm planning on going to the midnight premiere of the final movie in costume as well.  The Lord of the Rings movies are my favorite movies of all time, nothing comes even close to trumping them.  So with the final Hobbit movie getting ready to come out and all, I thought this would be a fun way to get back into blogging because it would be something I would really enjoy writing and sharing.

The final Hobbit movie comes out on December 17th, so I decided that I would make it so I finish this challenge on the 17th.  So today is going to be a combination of days 1-7 so I can finish by the 17th and then I'll do one a day starting tomorrow.  With all that being said, here we go!

Looking at Life

This past weekend my family went on our first family vacation in about two years.  For me it was the first time I've really been out of Albuquerque and the general surrounding area in that same amount of time.  I know I've mentioned it before, but I am so not a city girl.  We went up to northern New Mexico, kind of north and west of Taos up into Carson National Forest.  Let me tell you, it is gorgeous up there!  So much cooler and greener.  I did not want to leave at all.  We were gone Thursday through Sunday and it was nice to have two full days to just relax.  Friday was my parents' 26th wedding anniversary so we enjoyed celebrating that with a steak linner (you know, too late for lunch but too early for dinner: linner).  Busted out the wine and everything.  It rained most of that day so we pretty just lounged around, napped a bit and played some games.  Saturday was clearer so we went for a 2 mile hike which was fun and then my dad and I went for a drive while mom stayed back and read.  Dad and I saw some really pretty country and just enjoyed getting to explore.  Sunday I got up early to make the 4 and a 1/2 hour drive back to Albuquerque so I could continue filming with a friend who's making a pretty epic movie.  So that made a fun, but exhausting day.   One of the things I really enjoyed on our camping trip was getting back into some photography.  I really haven't used my camera much since my family moved back into Albuquerque so it was a fun opportunity.  There were some really pretty flowers we saw on our hike and with the rain we were getting most of the plants were covered in drops of water, something I've always wanted to photograph so I took advantage of that.

Try

So, I'm back!!  I realize I've been AWOL for a good while so my apologies for that.  Life's been a bit crazy lately working to get some stuff figured out but hopefully I'll start posting on a more regular basis now.  Yay!

Earlier this month Colbie Caillat released a song called Try that created quite a buzz.  Instead of a song telling girls that the key to being pretty is to be thin, or wear a lot of makeup, or be rich, or have a ton of clothes, the song says that you're pretty just the way you are.  And instead of being one of those songs that says all the right things like that and then shows only girls who are pencil thin and photoshopped gorgeous without any makeup on, there are real girls in the video and not just teens, but you have middle aged and older women as well.  I also loved the fact that, being a big girl myself, there was one big girl included in the video as well.

Starting A New Blog!

Do you ever have those moments where you're struggling with a decision?  Should I do this or shouldn't I?  I've been struggling with that for a while now.  For several weeks I've slowly been starting to realize how much I need to lose weight and how I really just need to do it.  One of the factors that led me to the realization was reading the blog of a young woman I know who has also struggled with her weight for most of her life.  Reading her blog as she documents her struggles and successes in losing weight has been a huge encouragement for me and definitely played a large part in my decision to start working to lose weight.  My dilemma came in the form of whether I should start my own blog chronicling my weight loss.  Seeing what her blog had done for me made me want to do it as well as feeling it would be therapeutic for me and help me face some issues I've avoided talking about or dealing with, not to mention it would help me keep track of my weight loss.  There was another part of me that was very reluctant to share something quite so personal.  I know I've shared bits and pieces of my struggle with weight and other issues, but I've avoided getting too in depth about anything.  In the end, I decided to go for it and so I created a second blog, My Life Out Of The Fat Lane.

Life is Precious

It always strikes me, when I hear of some kind of disaster or accident, how much I assume that nothing like that will ever happen to me.  Not in a "I'm so great and powerful" kind of way, but I guess just kind of a more naive way.  If I'm careful how I'm driving, who I hang out with, where I go, etc., I should be fine, nothing will happen to me.  And then it always strikes me that those people affected by that disaster or accident were probably thinking the same thing.

I guess that just really struck me with reading about the ferry sinking in South Korea.  Most of the people on that boat were teens on a school trip.  I'm sure they were thinking it was going to be a good time, they were getting to hang out with their friends, what could wrong?  And then suddenly everything changed and they were fighting for their lives trying to get off a sinking boat.  It reminded me that life is fleeting and that life is precious.  We don't know how our life is going to end, whether we're going to live to be 100 and die of old age or live to our 20s, 30s, 40s and die of sickness or from some accident.

Thank You, God

Everyone has those days, those days when nothing seems to go right, where all those carefully laid plans go up in dust, when it seems like everything is actively working against you.  On days like that my reaction is generally just to get annoyed or, on occasion, downright angry.  I don't tend to think about why those things happened, I just know that they happened and it ruined my day or a portion of my day and I am not happy about it one bit.

Noah

Noah:  it's the film that has divided Christians, has delighted critics, and has intrigued movie goers.  When I first heard of it, I was skeptical to say the least, skeptical that it would actually follow the true Biblical story of Noah.  With actors such as Russell Crowe, Anthony Hopkins, Emma Watson, and Jennifer Connelly, none of whom I have ever heard claim to be Christians, I doubted that anything good would come from this film.  When I heard that the director, Darren Aronofsky, was an atheist and had claimed that Noah would be the "least Biblical film ever made", I was even more suspicious.  And for my part, I think I was correct.  Nearly everything I have read points to the fact that Noah strays as far as possible from the actual story while leaving in just the bare minimum of truth so as to be able to call it the story of Noah.  The Matt Walsh Blog gives a well thought out and fairly detailed synopsis of the movie from a Christian point of view.  I would check it out before reading the rest of this post.

Serving the Lord at Home

A couple days ago I blogged about how I was working at planning a trip to Japan with Samaritan's Purse to help with the rebuilding going on there.  I also mentioned that I wasn't sure if I would be able to go because the page said they were looking for experienced carpenters.  As it turns out, I'm not going to be able to go because I don't have the experience needed, which on the one hand is disappointing, but I'm also really glad because just knowing about it got me really interested in working with Samaritan's Purse period.

Chance of a Lifetime

One of these days I'll stop blogging at midnight, but I doubt it'll be anytime soon.  Pretty much all inspiration comes to me sometime around or after midnight.  It's really bad.

In any case, I did want to share a really amazing opportunity a very dear friend of mine shared with me.  She and her husband have a passion for working in disaster areas to help rebuild.  She just recently got back from spending several months in Japan working at rebuilding homes.  It is truly her passion and she shared that passion with me.  Hearing her talking about her experience made me remember how much I used to love going down to Mexico and doing missionary work down there.  Now granted, Japan is very different since it's Samaritan's Purse and they're doing construction whereas when my church youth group would go down to Mexico, we mostly did VBS and outreach with very little construction work.  Well, as she was telling me about her experience, she asked me if that would be something I would like to do.  My answer:  Heck, yes!

Taking a Chance

Anybody who knows me knows that I'm overweight.  Okay, actually, I'll just be honest, I'm fat.  And it sucks.  But I'm not going to bore you with a really long sob story or anything, because I'm actually pretty excited.  As of two days ago, I am in the running to be on the Biggest Loser.  My parents and friends think I'm pretty much crazy, but I'm really excited and pretty darned determined to do this.  Remember, I'm stubborn.

Pre-registration is done, my application is over half filled out, and my mom and I are flying out to Phoenix on the 20th for some much needed girl time as well as for my audition.  So this was pretty short, but I just wanted to share because I am so super excited to take advantage of this opportunity!

This post was originally published on Thursday, June 7 2012.

Trusting Through the Doubt

When I can't sleep or I'm up late reading a book or doing something on my computer, I tend to think a lot.  Tonight was a reading night and now it's almost 2 o'clock and I'm still awake and thinking and looking at facebook.  Now normally I don't look at people's pages all that often.  But tonight I was looking at some friend's pages and a few of them were recently engaged or in a relationship and had pictures up.  Looking at the pictures of them so happy in love I felt that familiar clenching of my heart that's part pain, part jealousy.  And as I kept looking at the pictures of these people that I had graduated with  or were only slightly older than me, I felt all the doubts coming back.  Doubting that God had someone out there for me, doubting that anyone could ever possibly love me, doubting that I could ever truly love someone again myself.  And then there was the jealousy too.  Why did they get someone and I didn't?  Why couldn't I have that?  In a matter of minutes, I was dealing with a full on war between my heart and my head.  My head telling me that I was right to doubt and that my jealousy was rational, even reasonable, and my heart was simply naive.  And then there was my heart telling me to trust God and remember that He has a plan for me even though I can't see it and also telling my head to shut up.

Childhood Melody

Have you ever heard it?  Those few notes playing a song that you had forgotten?  That haunting melody weaving through your mind, bringing you back to your childhood?  It doesn’t happen very often for me.  For the most part any music I hear that reminds of me childhood is some nursery rhyme or silly song or something fairly basic and quite honestly, moderately annoying.  Generally when I hear those songs all I can think is, I used to adore these songs and sing them over and over again?  These days once is generally enough for me, thank you very much.  If I had siblings I’m sure I’d be more tolerant, but as an only child, no, just no.  So the songs that remind me the most of my childhood are songs from movies, generally Disney songs though there were others as well.  And most of the movies I watched as a child, I still watch today, you know except for the ones that were obviously super juvenile.  (Disney does not count in that category.  If someone tells you that Disney movies are for just kids, smack them upside the head and then make them sit down and watch every single one of them, you have my permission.)

Just Dance

I love to dance, always have.  As a little kid I was always dancing around the house, making up dance routines and performing for my parents, making my dad dance with me to a song I liked on the radio or at the end of a movie, jamming with my mom in the kitchen, etc.  When I reached high school I started going swing dancing every Tuesday night with a group of friends.  We went for close to five years and I got pretty good at it.  At my senior prom they had a swing dance competition and my boyfriend and I, who had been my main dance partner since I'd started dancing, ended up getting second place.  Once we broke up though, I found myself without a dance partner or a group to go dancing with.  I finally started going with one of my guy friends which was a blast, but eventually he had to quit due to other commitments on Tuesday nights.  So I stopped going for a while until I managed to convince a few of my girl friends to go out several times.  However, it was much harder to find any guy friends and if you don't have at least one guy friend along who will for sure dance with you or if you're not drop dead gorgeous, chances are you're going to be sitting on the sidelines for most of the night.  That fizzled out pretty quick and when they stopped wanting to go, I stopped going as well.

A Valentine's Day To Remember

In the past I've always hated Valentine's Day or Single's Awareness Day as I tended to call it along with the myriad of other people who didn't have a significant other to spend the day with.  I would get depressed that I was still single after however many years it had been since my ex and I broke up.  So I would spend Valentine's Day depressed that I was single and annoyed every time I saw some giggling couple go by.  For the most part I've gotten better with it and just tried to focus on other things and convince myself it wasn't a big deal.  This year was slightly harder because within the last couple of months several people I know have either gotten married or announced that they're expecting kids.  Normally I wouldn't think much of it except for the fact that they're all three, even four years younger than me.  Much as I am happy for them it does make me very aware of the fact that I haven't had a real date in almost exactly four years now while many of my Facebook friends, most of whom are my age or younger, are raving about their fantastic boyfriends or girlfriends and the latest date they've gone on.  And I know, nobody wants to date the fat girl, but when most of the girls at my work who are my size or bigger are also raving about their fantastic boyfriends or girlfriends, I start to figure something must be seriously wrong with me.

The Tear Of Grief

The Tear of Grief also known as the Tear Drop Memorial.  Ever heard of it?  Probably not.  Despite my personal interest in sculptures, provided they are not abstract, I'd never heard of it until a friend of mine posted an article about it on Facebook.  Considering what it was created in memory of, you'd think most people would have heard of it, but I think the "issue" of what country it came from became the focus.  Officially called To The Struggle Against World Terrorism, this 10 story sculpture was created and given to the United States as a gift from Russia as a memorial to the victims of 9/11.  Located in Bayonne, New Jersey it consists of a 100-foot-tall, 175-ton bronze-clad tower with a huge open crack running down the center.  Suspended within the crack is a forty-foot stainless steel tear drop.  Engraved on the eleven sides of the marble base are the names of those people killed on September 11th in New York, Washington, and Pennsylvania as well as six other who were killed in the 1993 World Trade Center bombing.  As you can see in the picture, the memorial is in a bit of a remote location, deliberately placed there so as to have Manhattan as the back drop and to be in sight of where the World Trade Center once stood.

A Whole New World

So lately I've had the song A Whole New World from Aladdin stuck in my head which is kind of funny because I haven't seen it anytime recently and its not one of the Disney movies I've seen a lot.  Don't get me a wrong, I love Aladdin, but I've always been more of a Little Mermaid/Beauty and the Beast kind of girl.  But I digress.  I couldn't figure out why that song was stuck in my head and then suddenly it just sort of clicked.  I've been thinking about my life a lot since the beginning of the year with trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  Right now I feel very stuck, very caged in.  I'm stuck in a dead-end job that I hate with a passion, stuck with no real future it feels like, stuck in a place where there aren't very many opportunities in any of the various activities or hobbies that I enjoy.  Again, don't get me wrong, I love New Mexico, I was born and raised here, but its not exactly a bustling state where you have all kinds of different opportunities or jobs in the areas that I enjoy.

A Sneak Peak

Soooo, as I have mentioned before I am slowly, and I do mean slowly, working on writing a book.  While I enjoy working on it, it is something that takes a lot of time and energy.  And with my schedule becoming more hectic due to work and looking at going back to school sometime in the near future, I have sometimes considered whether it was worth continuing.  So, just for the heck of it, I decided to share the prologue for my book.  If you know me, you should not be at all surprised to find that its filled with magical creatures and heroes and such.  Feel free to read and give your opinions and thoughts about it.  So, without further ado, I now present to the prologue of my book.  Enjoy!

The Beauty Within

One of the things I have struggled with for many years now is my perception of beauty. My heart knows that beauty comes from within and I can see that beauty in others. But when I look at myself, I judge myself by outward appearance. I'm the girl who has to look perfect, who refuses to go anywhere without makeup because I think I'm so unattractive. I'm the girl who looks in the mirror and hates what she sees cause I'm not stick thin, my hair's not perfect, there's a small gap in my teeth, etc. I notice every single little flaw.