The Beauty Within

One of the things I have struggled with for many years now is my perception of beauty. My heart knows that beauty comes from within and I can see that beauty in others. But when I look at myself, I judge myself by outward appearance. I'm the girl who has to look perfect, who refuses to go anywhere without makeup because I think I'm so unattractive. I'm the girl who looks in the mirror and hates what she sees cause I'm not stick thin, my hair's not perfect, there's a small gap in my teeth, etc. I notice every single little flaw.

But a few months ago I had the opportunity to spend the afternoon with a friend of mine. She's not stick thin, she wasn't and generally doesn't wear makeup, she's comfortable with herself. And then there was me, hair completely done, makeup carefully applied, wearing a semi-fancy shirt in the hopes it'll make me look a pound or two thinner. The funny thing is though, whereas I took over an hour and a half to get ready compared to her probably thirty minutes if that, looking in the mirror, I honestly thought she was prettier. She's secure in herself in a way I never have been. She's beautiful inside and out, and her inner beauty shines out of her and enhances her outward beauty. I look at her and I wish that was me.

And then on the way home, as we were comparing songs we liked and were playing them, she had me listen to a song by Tenth Avenue North called Healing Begins. I felt like I could completely relate to the first part of the song.

"So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark."

I've always worked so hard to try to fit in, to try to be pretty. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder what else I can do to make myself better physically. I'm ashamed to say that I spend far more time working on my outward appearance than I do focusing on my spiritual life. But true beauty does come from within and it comes from a truly beautiful heart. My heart hasn't been focused on God like it needs to be.  And I know there are a lot of other girls out there like that too.  That's not to say that wearing makeup and doing our hair is a bad thing and we should just chuck that out the window.  But it shouldn't be our focus, shouldn't be what we spend all our time on.  It's time to start focusing on our spiritual life and let our inner beauty shine through.

This post was originally published on Sunday, March 18, 2012.