Changes and Losses

So obviously I have not been as good as I thought I would be about blogging after concluding my Lord of the Rings project.  Frankly life has been a bit crazy since then and I have not had the ideas, inclination, or time to blog.  To be honest, I could have made the time, but the inclination and ideas were just not there.  A lot has changed though since the last time I blogged so this probably going to be a longer post.

The biggest thing that was taking up my time in December was trying to get re-admitted to UNM.  Yup, I am a college student...again.  After a two or so year break I decided it was time for me to finally get my degree.  So, I am attending UNM with the hopes of getting my Bachelors in Theatre within the next couple years.  Yay!  Of course, it wouldn't be registering for college without some craziness, right?  Naturally, that meant that the way things worked out, I saw an advisor the Tuesday before classes started to get holds off my account and finally got registered for classes later that day.  I also got a parking ticket because parking at UNM is stupid and not clearly labeled that you can't park here.  Still, I got registered, which took several hours.  I'd forgotten how long it takes to try to get a schedule figured out.  And it takes even longer when most classes are already filled.  But the eventual lineup is as follows:

Surprisingly, I actually got into classes that I wanted to take which was quite exciting.  I ended up with 16 hours which I figured was pretty good for my first semester back.  My astronomy class was quickly nicknamed the "hippie class" because my mom got confused and thought I was taking an astrology class.  We've had way too much fun with that. ;D

So the rest of the week was taken up with the mad scramble to get myself ready to get back to school and clean my room so it was at least semi-organized.  Friday kind of ruined that attempt when I woke up and discovered that my bathroom was flooded.  I'd somehow left the faucet partially running and for whatever reason, the water hadn't drained so it had run over the sink.  So the day was spent trying mop up all the water and salvage what I could of my stuff.  Not a fun project.  We're also doing some remodeling in our house.  We ripped out all the carpet and are putting in hardwood floors and also doing some painting and we were expecting the flooring to be delivered that day so I was having to keep an ear out for the doorbell during the late afternoon, so I was feeling seriously stressed.  When my dad got home, he informed me that my grandmother on my mother's side was evidently quite sick and they weren't sure if she would make it through the night.  So while I stayed home to wait for the floor delivery, he went to be with my mom and her sisters.

Now I'd like to say that I was really torn up by the news of my grandmother, but frankly I think I was more surprised than anything.  I hadn't seen her for well over a year because she had dementia which meant that she didn't even know who I was anymore.  It was one of those things where I guess I just kind of figured she'd live forever.  I don't know.  So when my dad called less than two hours later to tell me that she had just passed away, I was in complete shock.  That was pretty much how I felt for the remainder of the weekend and for the first part of the week as I started my classes.

Needless to say, it was not quite the week I had originally imagined.  My grandmother was catholic so that meant there was both a rosary and a funeral service.  Because of the times of both, I was going to miss four of my classes during the very first week which left me feeling very stressed.  My cousin and I also worked to put together collage boards for the rosary and service which kept us up pretty late so by Wednesday, I felt like a wreck.  I was trying to process and do too many things at once and keep up the pretense that I was okay.

The outpouring of support from friends on Facebook and Google+ was incredibly touching and very much appreciated and helped a lot with me keeping my emotions under control.  My grandfather had wanted an open casket so Wednesday evening at the rosary was the first time I had seen my grandmother in over a year and I think that's when it really hit me that she was gone and I had a mini break down.  It was a long, emotional evening, rosary's are not short, and by the time it was all over, I was emotionally exhausted.  I also felt very alone.  I have a small family.  My dad's an only child and while my mom has two sisters, I have only one cousin.  I'm not particularly close with anyone in my family and since all the people at the rosary were pretty much strangers to me, I was left pretty much on my own since I'm the only single person in the family.  So in my fit of loneliness, I texted my best friend and asked if he would mind coming to the funeral the following morning because I could really use some support.  Let me tell you, I was asking a lot.  The funeral started at 9am, and he is not an early riser by any means, he didn't know my family other than my parents, had never met my grandmother, and had every reason to say no.  Thankfully though, he said he would be there.

I had no idea how desperately I would need someone there for me until the following morning.  I was a mess.  I hate goodbyes of any kind and this one was a particularly mixed goodbye.  For one, I'm not a hundred percent sure my grandmother was actually saved but on the other hand, her health and mind had deteriorated to such an extent that before she died she was essentially living in her own personal hell.  So I choose to believe that she was saved and that all her earthly suffering is done and she now resides in heaven.  The final hard part was the actual burial and watching her coffin sink into the earth.  Kind of the final goodbye, you know?  The mood was considerably lighter afterwards as we all had lunch.  I'm not sure why, but it was.

For my part, I had to try to pull myself together to make it to my classes which at the time, I would have much rather just ditched.  As it happened, it was good that I did go, because I quickly discovered that astronomy was not for me.  It was a smart person class, basically for people who are really into math and laws of science and such.  In other words, not at all for me!  So I ended up dropping it and the lab and instead got registered for an acting class which I think will be far more interesting, not to mention fun.  And so that has been my week up until now.  Thank you again to those who have supported me and my family with your kind words, it truly does mean a lot.